Rage-Free Friday

Before delving into the bullshit of the day--I know it's out there; I just couldn't bring myself to open the Daily Star yet this morning--I am giving the rage lobe a break and thinking about something else. Namely, sharpening some of my yard tools. This train of thought quickly pulled into Where The Fuck Is My Bench Grinder station, and since there was--naturally--no sign of the grinder and no agent on duty, I settled in for a cup of coffee and decided to scratch a list of stuff I've lent out and never seen again on an unclaimed receipt for nickel slots I found under the bench.

Forthwith, some of my more epic loans, lendees, and terms.

1. Hockey skates, Robin, 10 years. The last time I saw them they were in her shed next to her compound bow, but she's since (a) moved and (b) acquired a husband with (c) five kids between them, so (d) it's probably a good thing I don't play any more.

2. BENCH GRINDER, Jonathan, 8 years. I remember pulling it out of my current shed and putting it in the back of my truck. I forgot about it, Jonathan took another job, I never see him any more, and my yard tools languish in dullness. I have a file but also have tendonosis in my filing elbow. End of story.

3. Orbital sander, coffee grinder, one pair hiking boots, Dave, 7 years. The sander and coffee grinder made the trip with me up to Pinetop to help a somewhat unstable buddy work on his house; the boots stayed for use on future fishing trips; then he got married and kinda melted down, again, the wife took off, and the boots were her size. You do the math.

4. One copy Fun Home (Alison Bechdel), one copy 13 Tales from Urban Bohemia (Dandy Warhols), Gretchen, 3 years. I'm hopeful because I did catch a glimpse of the book on a high shelf the last time I was over there, and three years is merely the blink of an eye in tiempo Gretchense anyway.

On the flip side, I still have a copy of 'Tis (Frank McCourt) John lent me when I was laid up with a wrecked knee, probably ten years ago, and a copy of Primitive Technology: A Book of Earth Skills Jorge was foolish enough to show me at about that same time, and just recently threw out a large Tupperware container Ellen left at my house probably 12 years ago and never asked for back since she had borrowed it from her sister-in-law eons before that and didn't much care about it. Never liked the lid on that thing.

Do I have something of yours? Do let me know.