Bang Bang You're... Hang On, Hold Still a Second, Okay? Bang Bang Bang. Crap. Hold On. Bangitty Bang Bang. There. Told You.

You might remember the dust-up we had here in Tucson last month. You know, that thing at the grocery store where six people sorta got killed and 13 others were wounded, including one U.S. Representative shot clear through the head. The Arizona Daily Star ventured, in an editorial printed yesterday, to suggest that people really don't need after-market 30-round magazines for their handguns. One in the chamber and ten in the clip really ought to be sufficient for your self-defendin' needs, the Star said.

You'd think they had called for public castrations. Let the false equivalencies roll.

*What I don't get is anti-gunners think it is not OK for me to have a gun with lots of bullets, but if I call a cop to save my life, it is OK for the cop to bring a gun with lots of bullets.

*Why does a country need more than one newspaper? Why does a country need more than one TV network?

*No person NEEDS health insurance, but it's forced upon us, Why should I have to pay for your health care when my plan is fine for me and my family.. Guess you can say I need a 30 round mag like you need health care....

The other reasons given for absolutely needing a 30-round magazine include target shooting and--seriously--the biathlon. Well, "because I want one" is also at the top of the list.

Master logicians in this state.

The most disingenuous argument, though, is this one. The first comment sets the scenario, and second delivers the cognitive dissonance:

*Question for our progressive friends on the Star Editorial Board: How many people do you think would have been killed/wounded if someone would have pulled out his own Glock and put Loughner down?

*When your system is flooded with adrenalin and your fine motor control is shot to heck in a handbag you'll be wishing you had those extra rounds.

And there you have it. We need people to carry guns so that murderers can be stopped because all of us could've totally shot that guy right away, and we need lots and lots of bullets because we're really not very good shots under pressure. The second comment up there, by the way, is from a guy who stated that, given a clear shot, he could have drawn his weapon and put a round into Loughner in under 2.5 seconds because he "practice[s] a lot." So one of the same guys who have been going on and on for seven weeks now about how things would have been different if more people in the Safeway had been carrying, because someone would have double-tapped the shooter immediately with no collateral damage, the same guy who asserted that he could stop a massacre with a single bullet, is arguing that high-cap magazines are totally necessary because, let's face it, in a situation like that your fine motor control is shot to heck in a handbag and you're going to need those extra rounds because your first 29 shots are going to be wide right, wide left, high, low, miss miss miss miss, repeat, repeat, repeat.

That is why if you're seriously worried about home invasions, you should get a shotgun. And that is also why multiple people carrying handguns are likely to exacerbate a chaotic scene, not curtail it.

Meanwhile, Arizona is still in the process of allowing college students to be armed, and Texas and Florida just jumped on that bandwagon too. Oklahoma's looking at allowing people to carry at sports events, including in large stadiums. Yee-hah, the Red River Rivalry will be extra-exciting next year.

I don't know what the next big shooting spree is going to look like. Except that I don't think it's going to end any quicker or cleaner or less tragically than any of the other ones.