Wednesday, May 24, 2006

The Waiting Place

I broke free some time ago, but I find myself, yet again, in the Waiting Place.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting.

I noticed it last night as the clock dragged on to half an hour past the time G was going to call so we could go out. The plants were watered, the dogs fed, the recycling taken out and the laundry hung, and I was sitting there in a clean shirt and jeans waiting, not wanting to start up another chore or book or crossword puzzle because I was waiting.

I realized, as I waited for the phone to ring, that I am waiting for more. I was waiting for my son to get home. I am still waiting for my woman to get home. I'm waiting for things to change. I'm waiting for my loans to be paid off. I'm waiting for the kids to go off to college. I'm waiting for things to get better.

I had a marvelous burst of energy about 6 years ago, if I remember correctly. I wish it didn't seem easier now to just sit back and let life happen to me rather than the other way around. This whole live in the moment, taking the middle path thing isn't working so well. Where does accepting the inevitable, finding peace with the unchangeable, merge into capitulation? Where is the border between sticking up for principle and simply banging your head against a wall?

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