The prime culprit.
The office was empty because, as Homer noted, we have the best boss in the world, who occasionally takes us on paid all-day field trips. This one was to the Coyote Mountains, and it sounds like it was lovely (it looks lovely, too; Homer's pictures here), but I didn't go due to parenting obligations. That was probably a good thing, since the aforementioned palo verde allergies had my brain so nonfunctional I repeatedly typed "discussion" as "dicsuccion" throughout the day. Which is really not something I'm all that into.
Item the first: Extra Sugar-Free Gum is pushing itself as "the five-calorie snack" to help you lose weight. Excuse me? Gum is a snack? A five-calorie snack? Jesus. There are probably more calories than that in the drool I produce thinking about actual snacks such as tacos and cheesesteaks. Maybe swallowing the gum clogs your stomach and nauseates you to the point that you don't feel hungry any more.
Item the second: OMG, Lost.
Item the third: The Olympic torch hasn't been put out by protesters for nearly three weeks now. Step it up, Indonesia!