Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Boltgirl is a Curmudgeon Yet Again

You may have noticed that about half of Arizona is on fire at the moment. If you live in Arizona, you have probably also noticed that it’s really fucking hot and dry and the only clouds on the horizon are made of smoke. And if you live in Tucson, you have certainly noticed the goddamn fireworks stands popping up on vacant corners and in parking lots, and probably seen the billboards and basic cable ads from some major firework outlet store just across the New Mexico border, presumably in a spot that hasn’t gone up in flames yet.

What the hell, people?

The Pima County Board of Supervisors is sorta kinda thinking about enacting a ban on private citizen knuckleheads setting off fireworks in their back yards, and possibly a ban on the resorts holding their own shows. The city of Tucson is planning on going ahead with their annual show over A Mountain, despite a track record of setting large portions of the mountain on fire every year. This is the first year you can legally buy fireworks in Arizonathanks, legislature; we need that like a goddamn hole in the headso I am expecting even more idiocy by my neighbors than usual.

I have no intention of burning down my own house, my own yard, or anyone else's. I just want a little taste of the America where I grew up. Believe it or not, even back then we knew how to work a garden hose.
U-S-A! U-S-A! I hope that garden hose is a full-bore fire hose hooked up to a hydrant, buddy. I will be spending the weekend clearing the easement on the side of the house down to dirt, just in case your good intentions don't fly as far as your fucking bottle rockets.