Why I Want Hillary to Be Our Lioness in the Senate

This is why. Like, for the next thirty years.

Last month, the Bush administration launched the latest salvo in its eight-year campaign to undermine women’s rights and women’s health by placing ideology ahead of science: a proposed rule from the Department of Health and Human Services that would govern family planning. It would require that any health care entity that receives federal financing — whether it’s a physician in private practice, a hospital or a state government — certify in writing that none of its employees are required to assist in any way with medical services they find objectionable...

The rule would also allow providers to refuse to participate in unspecified “other medical procedures” that contradict their religious beliefs or moral convictions. This, too, could be interpreted as a free pass to deny access to contraception.

Many circumstances unrelated to reproductive health could also fall under the umbrella of “other medical procedures.” Could physicians object to helping patients whose sexual orientation they find objectionable? Could a receptionist refuse to book an appointment for an H.I.V. test? What about an emergency room doctor who wishes to deny emergency contraception to a rape victim? Or a pharmacist who prefers not to refill a birth control prescription?

Maybe it feels like a crap-ass consolation prize after being denied a run at the White House. But Jesus, she could stay in the Senate forever and fight for us there in a very effective, very important way. I don't know if four or eight years of a bully pulpit would have the same effect, especially as people inevitably start ignoring years six through eight except for monumental fuckups. But I do know that she's the first woman senator to be loudly and continuously vocal about the HHS situation, and if we've finally found someone to carry that banner, well, I hope she doesn't give it up any time soon.

After These Lovely Fermented Possum Brain Hors d'Oeuvres, the Main Course is Sure to be Lovely

So it's Obama, apparently and finally, please-Jesus-hopefully bringing the Democratic nominating process to a close, letting us snort awake from a restless series of disturbing images just long enough to roll over and fall into the nice deep nightmare of the next five months. The primaries were soaked in a distressing amount of sexism and racism, exposing America yet again as a place where racism is not Tony Snow's distant memory but an active enough force for one in five Kentucky voters to tell pollsters that they're voting against Obama solely because he's black, a place where young women claim they're not feminists because feminism is no longer either required or useful while another woman stands up in public to ask John McCain how he's going to "beat the bitch" and the only response is raucous laughter.

Now we get to see a bunch of collective head explosions as Clinton supporters who swore they'd either vote for McCain or stay home should Obama get the nomination begin to weigh the relative merits of clinging to principle and choosing political expediency. I understand the frustration at feeling undercut, of having been undercut by the patriarchy one more damn time, but at the same time I would hope that the specter of a John McCain presidency would be enough to outweigh any compulsion to cast a fuck-you vote for the opposition. Just as I would expect Obama supporters to vote for Clinton were the situation reversed. Hey, I was an Edwards girl, so I'm equally disillusioned by certain things that have emanated from both the Obama and Clinton camps, was equally optimistic about others, and have always been firmly committed to keeping McCain out of the White House. There may be a time to take your ball and go home, but this ain't it.

Here we go, then, with the general election. You think the primaries were ugly? The Repubs have been biding their time, sharpening two sets of knives. The dick-handled sexism knives are going back into the box under the bed, for now; you can be certain the hood-handled racism knives are getting an extra kiss from the stone, the dog whistles getting a final tuning. How far have we come as a nation since July 9, 1868? We get to find out this summer. I'm not optimistic.

Tuesday, No Less Muddled Than Monday

I don't even pretend to understand what's going on any more.

Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill. drives to the basket against North Carolina's Tyler Hansbrough during a basketball game in Chapel Hill, N.C., on Tuesday. AP Photo/Jae C. Hong

My love for the Tarheels makes me go squeeeeeee when I see this photo and immediately start wondering exactly how far Psycho T rejected that well-meaning layup, as well as how fucking honored Obama would have to be to have had the opportunity for his offering to be so impressively swatted away. Unless T took pity on an old dude and let him score, that is.

But Obama taking it to the hole! Who can't love that?

Many people, apparently. Today's AP/Ipsos poll shows Obama in a dead heat with McCain, while Clinton beats Bomb Bomb by a non-sweat-inducing nine-point margin. Well, okay; she's my third choice of the original Democratic Big Three, but if she spanks McCain, that's all that matters, right?

But wait. Richard Mellon Right-Wing Conspiracy Scaife endorsed her in the Pennsylvania primary, and Rush has been exhorting his minions to switch parties for the duration of their states' primaries in order to vote her into the nomination, so is this a reality poll, or a poll of the reality righties are attempting to trowel into existence, or a poll reflecting how they've already managed to do that within the brains of actual Democrats?

Meanwhile, payday is resolutely refusing to come any sooner than Friday, completely disdainful of the fact that I'm already pushing $500 in the hole, borrowed against my tax refund, for no more entertaining reasons than gasoline, groceries, medical bills, and truck repairs. The stimulus check may or may not have been direct-deposited today, and it seems to matter less and less in the grand scheme of things. Initial ideas about keeping it in reserve along with the tax refund, to be parceled out month by month to pay for the boy's school tuition and occasional mechanical necessities, have been blasted into shreds.

What's important today in the world of presidential politics, once Obama's toweled down? Whether he's honestly repudiating Jeremiah Wright or just doing it out of political expediency. Wright flapped his yap repeatedly over the weekend, which is suspected to have contributed to Clinton's little surgelet in the polls. Please. Let. It. Go. I don't give a shit whether Wright's a harmless crazy uncle or an advance scout for the legions of Satan. I want the Democrats to hammer McCain on this crap-ass economy and incomprehensible national debt that's yet another legacy of this fucked up war the administration has tried to downplay as surely as it's insisted that the bodies of fallen soldiers come home in the middle of the night with no press coverage.

Oh, and while you're at it, Democrats? Just pick somebody already, yeah? You had this one in the bag, have had it in the bag since 2004, and you're pissing it away again. And John McCain's flying around in his wife's jet, laughing all the way to the inauguration.

Clinton, Obama Attempt to Out-Jesus Each Other at Faith Forum

The inanity is summed up nicely in a single sentence.

Earlier in the day, Clinton seemed frustrated when a reporter asked when she had last attended church or fired a gun.

Because you gotta do both for Jesus, Malchus be damned. She sputtered in response that she'd gone to church on Easter, and "that is not what this is about." But she calls Obama "elitist" for voicing the simple truth that lots of disaffected small-town flyover voters consistently and demonstrably vote against their own economic self-interest, choosing instead to cling to religion, guns, and the gays. And she went on to compare Obama to the last two Democratic nominees, who she called "out-of-touch" with ordinary Americans and their concerns. It would probably be just a little too catty to bring up that $109M tax return at this juncture, so I'll restrain myself.

The forum itself appears to have been designed to tease out how often the candidates read the Bible and how their beliefs will inform policy decisions. Given this, it's unclear why Clinton agreed to show up at all. In the personal witnessing category, Obama pretty clearly outperformed her.

"Religion is a bulwark, a foundation when other things aren't going well," Obama said. "That's true in my own life, through trials and tribulations." ...

Clinton declined repeatedly to describe her personal faith and how it informs specific decisions, citing "the way I was raised" and implying that she keeps such matters to herself.

Those were just the opening acts, though. On the real money question, the best answer probably depends on the camp you're in, and if you're in my camp you're not thrilled with either. When, pray tell, does life begin? Short doomed-to-be-sound-bite answers first:"

I believe the potential for life begins at conception," Clinton said.

Asked whether life begins at conception, Obama said he did not know the answer.

On sound bites alone, Clinton has the anti-abortioneers salivating. Obama has them rolling their eyes. Put the money quotes in context, though, and there is a reversal of sorts. Clinton:

"For me, it is also not only about a potential life. It is about the other lives involved. . . . I have concluded, after great concern and searching my own mind and heart over many years . . . that individuals must be entrusted to make this profound decision, because the alternative would be such an intrusion of government authority that it would be very difficult to sustain in our kind of open society."

The New York senator added that abortion should remain legal, safe and rare.

Obama:

"This is something that I have not, I think, come to a firm resolution on. I think it's very hard to know what that means, when life begins. Is it when a cell separates? Is it when the soul stirs? . . . What I know, as I've said before, is that there is something extraordinarily powerful about potential life and that that has a moral weight to it that we take into consideration when we're having these debates."

The full answer is much better for Clinton, although I do appreciate Obama at least giving lip service to that thing we call "science" in referencing cell division. What I wish both candidates had said runs along the lines of clearly differentiating conception from implantation. Actually, what I really wish is that they had each said, "Imagine your twelve-year old daughter has been raped and impregnated by her grandfather. Do you want her to carry that fetus to term and deliver it? If your answer is no, then your arguments about the sanctity of life and life beginning at conception are empty noise. If you do not believe abortion is murder when the circumstances of conception are loathsome to you, then you cannot argue abortion is murder when you find the circumstances of termination distasteful. If you believe that an embryo can be terminated with a clear conscience when it happens to implant in the fallopian tube rather than in the uterus, then you cannot argue that all products of conception are equally inviolable human life. Oh, and if you do believe the 12-year-old incest victim should carry to term and the woman with an ectopic pregnancy should lie back and celebrate her early ticket to heaven, fuck you."

That last phrase needs a little work, but that's what I want the Democratic candidate to say and fully believe. Until that happens, Clinton gave the padded answer pro-choicers have had to settle for. Obama, perhaps mindful of both his physical surroundings at Messiah College and the framing of his "bitter voters" comment as elitist, shied away from his solid pro-choice voting record and played up the moral dilemma caused by the question of when life begins. In other news that may or may not be related, career anti-choice Democrats Bob Casey and Tim Roemer endorsed Obama today,

promoting the Democratic presidential candidate to their antiabortion allies as someone who could achieve a new consensus on the issue. ...

Obama did not mention abortion in his controversial remarks, made last week at a fundraiser in California, though he noted other divisive social issues. But last week in Indiana, he said that both sides of the abortion debate are guilty of hyperbole.

"The mistake pro-choice forces have sometimes made in the past, and this is a generalization . . . has been to not acknowledge the wrenching moral issues involved," he said. "And so the debate got so polarized that both sides tended to exaggerate the other side's positions. Most Americans, I think, recognize that what we want to do is avoid, or help people avoid, making this difficult choice. That nobody is pro-abortion -- abortions are never a good thing."

The endorsements were timed to provide Obama inroads with conservative Democratics who will be voting in the Pennsylvania and Indiana primaries. Whether they will help or sow confusion is to be seen.

In Which the Associated Press Refocuses Our Attention on What Really Matters

I'm sorry, what was the point of this, again?

Hillary Rodham Clinton was at home in the White House on a half-dozen days when her husband had sexual encounters there with intern Monica Lewinsky, according to Sen. Clinton's schedule, released Wednesday among 11,000 pages of papers from her years as first lady.

Wow. She was home when Bill was getting blown. Fucking bombshell of a revelation, that. Need we remind the breathless AP that "being home" in the White House isn't exactly the same as "being home" in an 800 square-foot duplex with paper-thin walls? Hillary's complete 8-year datebook has been released, which is the source of this amazing revelation. Maybe that in itself is newsworthy, but why the "Hillary Home During Trysts" scandal-sheet headline? Oh, right. :

It's unlikely she would be surprised at this late date to learn that the president was cheating on her while she was at home in the White House.

But the release of the documents reminds voters anew about Bill Clinton's affair and the impeachment proceedings that brought Washington to a halt for a year.

Thanks, Associated Press! Lord knows the voters have been so distracted by the endless detailed discussions amongst the candidates of their domestic economic policy plans, and plans for solving the infrastructure crisis, and plans to deal with Iraq, and environmental policies to counter global warming, and international economic policies to address the rise of the East and the tanking of the dollar, that it feels like it's been years since anyone has bothered to cast Bill Clinton in a negative light, much less mention Monica Lewinsky. Thank you for correcting this absolutely unacceptable situation and getting the campaign dialogue squarely back where it needs to be, that being Bill Clinton's pants.

Super Two-Step Tuesday

By the time the dust settles at the end of the night, the Democratic nomination may be settled as well. Let me say again that I really don't want to have to dislike either potential Dem nominee, but godDAMmit, Hillary, your campaign's little oopsie moments are pissing me off more than Barack's have. Sunday you asserted that no, Obama's not a Muslim... "as far as I know." Yesterday you said that only you and John McCain have a lifetime of experience to bring to the White House, while Obama has only a single speech from 2002. And yesterday a campaign call from your official Ohio number, in a "slip of the tongue," referred to Obama as "Osama bin Laden." Not just "Osama" or "Barack Osama"--which would have been tasteless but, oh, what's the word... oh yeah, plausible as a slip of the tongue--but the full, stand-alone Osama bin Laden. Nice.

On the plus side, perhaps, as you're feeling the momentum inexorably swing Obama's way, you're simply doing your duty as batting practice pitcher for him, lobbing in the 50-mph-gopher balls so he can work the kinks out of his swing enough to groove the real fastballs of a presidential campaign into the left field bleachers. Either that or to improve his quicks so he can spin away from the ones that will be coming directly at his head.

The only upside is that the Democratic mutual feeding frenzy will be over soon. I hope.

And then the Republican slime machine will kick into full gear and we'll be astonished at how wistfully we're remembering the Clinton-Obama jabs that suddenly look like gentle swishes with an ostrich feather in comparison.

Apres Obama, Le Deluge des Uh-Ohs

Hmmmm. Clinton took Arizona, which I wasn't expecting because I didn't pay attention to the rest of the state. I'm pretty sure Obama took Tucson. His end-of-the-night "Our Time Has Come" speech in Chicago was electrifying (two part YouTube presentation below):

Barack Obama. Orator Laureate of the U.S. Is it any wonder all the kids are doing backflips for him? Hell, I'm old and jaded and he's gotten me to believe.

But even before the goosebumps receded, alarm bells were sounding ever so faintly in the back of my head, and most of them were labeled "McCain/Huckabee '08." Those two camps are increasingly looking past their ideological differences to focus on the one thing they can agree on, which is a deep loathing of Mittens Romney. And that would give us a GOP ticket that would allow a lot of people to hold their noses, gaze fixedly at their candidate, and avert their eyes from his running mate.

Think about it. Huckabee brings in the evangelical vote and might be the widget that justifies a vote in the minds of Republicans who don't think McCain's a true conservative (behold the power of a meme completely in contradiction to the man's actual voting record) but are counting on him working himself into a coronary before the first hundred days are up. And GOPers who aren't necessarily enamored with the idea of a Bible-based state but do salivate at the possibility of a new Hundred Years' War can look past the Baptist minister on the ticket, since, after all, he's only the VP. Add to those Republicans the independents who also don't believe McCain's a true conservative but think that's a positive, and are willing to overlook everything Mike Huckabee has ever said except those bits about us needing to be better stewards of the environment, and we might have trouble.

Who fights this combination the best? I gotta think it's Obama. McCain's "maverick" label, despite being a steaming load of bullshit, will be enough for independent and Democratic voters who hate Clinton to convince themselves that it's really not so bad to vote Republican this time around. And Obama has the unassailable moral standing to confront Bomb Bomb on the current war, and the next war he wants to start, and the several lurking beyond that.

Can Clinton pull it off? I am not optimistic. Could Obama really pull it off against a more bombs-more bibles ticket that just might be the ticket away from guilt the not-ready-yet crowd is secretly pining for? I want him to. I want to jump on that hope train and settle back with a drink and watch the country trundle by on the track back to the America he promises. I don't know if I believe in my fellow voters enough to count on it yet.