En Fuego! Oh...

Remember when Arizona was burning down, way back at the start of the summer, and Walnuts went on television to tell the nation it was probably the illegals’ fault?

"We are concerned about, particularly, areas down on the border where there is substantial evidence that some of these fires are caused by people who have crossed our border illegally," McCain said Saturday at a press conference, according to CNN.

Yeah, not so much.

A Tucson man and his cousin have been charged with causing the largest wildfire in Arizona history.

David Wayne Malboeuf, 24, of Tucson, and Caleb Joshua Malboeuf, 26, of Benson, were charged in connection with the Wallow Fire, which started May 29 in the Apache Sitgreaves National Forest.

The blaze scorched more than 538,000 acres in Eastern Arizona and part of Western New Mexico and destroyed 32 homes, four commercial buildings and 36 outbuildings before it was contained July 8.

A Forest Service investigation found the fire started when a campfire, left unattended by the Malboeufs in the Bear Wallow area, spread out of the fire ring and quickly spread in high winds.

Umm, yay Tucson? McCain supporters are rushing to the comments to remind us that the senator didn’t specify the Wallow fire, despite his statement coming when that particular biggest, craziest fire in Arizona history was full-on raging, not just in the woods but in the national news, and everyone was talking about God having finally decided to just torch the place because we’re kinda stupid out here (see: Pearce, Russell; Brewer, Jan; Underpants, Sheriff Pink).

But some illegal immigrant somewhere in Arizona started some fire sometime, probably, which means all fires are ultimately the Mexicans' fault anyway, also. QED. Or something.

Helpful McCain-English Translat-o-matic

Oh, good. John McCain went on Meet the Press this morning and clarified the little kerfuffle involving his wife, a video camera, and a jaw-dropping twelve hours during which we thought there was a voice of reason in that marriage. In case it isn't clear, we're giving the senator a hand with what he's actually saying.

McCain: "I respect the First Amendment rights of every member of my family."

Actually means: But fuck if they get to exercise them. This isn't a fucking democracy here. So forget what the trollop thinks she thinks. There is one opinion here, and it is mine.

In the same vein, you may recall that Walnuts said he'd accept a DADT repeal if the military leadership wanted that, and then, after the military leadership said they wanted it, McCain said no, what he really wanted was a Pentagon study. Now that the Pentagon study has been leaked, well--quelle surprise--he doesn't want that either.

"A thorough and complete study of the effects, not how to implement a repeal, but the effects on morale and battle effectiveness, that's what I want," he added. "And once we get this study we need to have hearings, and we need to examine it, and we need to look at whether it is the kind of study that we wanted."

Actually means: We need to look at whether the study shows that the fags will destroy the United States military, because that is exactly the kind of study we wanted, where "we," of course, means John McCain.

And, apparently, if he gets the kind of study he wanted but the results aren't quite what he was banking on, he will call for hearings in his new now-with-38%-more-Republicans Senate. Because if there's one thing the GOP can do like pros, it's move the goalposts and spin and massage until the original facts become the truth they want.

McCain: I'm John McCain.

Actually means: I am the shameless asshole in charge here, and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it.

Never Mind

Wow. Well played, Cindy McCain. Well played. You totally got me with your appearance on that NOH8 video, where you took the brave step of calling out your dickhead husband's position on Don't Ask Don't Tell as a major contributing factor to an atmosphere that leads gay kids to off themselves. I mean, I was really impressed. We've all seen Walnuts blow a fuse or two, and since probability dictates that you two have a one-in-eight chance of randomly ending up at the same house at the same time somewhere down the road, we figured you were setting yourself up for some unpleasant interactions with the hubby but still spoke out for what was right anyway, just because it was the right thing to do.

Seriously, you totally had me going, so, wow, the lulz are totally on me this morning when I see this:

I just hope your husband didn't call you "cunt" too many times in whatever little discussion led to your tweet yesterday. Later, Cindy. It was nice while it lasted. Enjoy the small private plane.

In Which I Take It Back

During the '08 campaign, I snarked on Cindy McCain for saying the only way to get around Arizona is by small private plane. Oh, that's still a dumbass thing to say, coming from a place of way underexamined privilege, but I'll give her a pass on the Cessna because she came out and did this:

What a fascinating dynamic they must have at home. I wonder at what point Walnuts realized he'd blundered by failing to realize that his knockout blonde millionaire heiress trophy replacement wife also came equipped with both a functioning brain and a conscience.

In Other Words

John McCain, referencing the Defense Department's OMG what if the Marine in the next bunk haz Teh Ghey survey, says we absolutely need to hear from people in uniform before we decide to stop axing Arabic translators for the sole reason that they are cunning linguists in more than one way.

The Air Force, in blessedly futile arguments that Major Margaret Witt should not be reinstated to her job as a flight nurse for a medevac team, says the opinions of people in uniform don't matter a rat's ass.

Her attorneys, led by the American Civil Liberties Union of Washington, insisted that Witt was well respected and liked by her colleagues, that her sexuality never caused problems in the unit, and that her firing actually hurt military goals such as morale, unit cohesion and troop readiness. Several members of the squadron testified to that effect and said they would welcome Witt back to the unit.

Lawyers for the Air Force said such evidence was irrelevant.

Military personnel decisions can't be run by unit referendum, they said.

They need to get on the same page here, because it at this point it looks like The Ghey is subject to referendum, but only when the overwhelming response comes back the way they were hoping. And given the wording of many of the DOD survey questions, the response they're fishing for is pretty clear. I am very curious about what the official reaction might be if even that survey ends up showing that most military people really don't care about team members' orientations as long as they do their jobs.

And Remember, Death Is Not an Option

In the Arizona senatorial primary, Walnuts McCain or this guy?

Admiral Mike Mullen. For. The. Win.

No additional comments from my end are necessary. Oh, except that John McCain is an awful, awful man.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Giving Credit Where Due

John McCain surely knows the bed he made, and I have to give him props for lying in from time to time.

Keep making me proud to live in Arizona, elderly Arizonans! By which, of course, I mean the exact opposite of "proud." I do wish McCain had asked the lady which part of the Constitution the president getting by with all this money refers to, but, possibly wishing to avoid another SNL Crazy McCain Campaign Lady, he pretended not to hear that part of the question and dove straight into the meaty issue of whether President Obama remembers that the Constitution exists. And the seniors in Sun City didn't disappoint, booing lustily each time McCain alluded to Obama retaining his mental faculties and even being a sincere man.

How hard was John McCain gritting his teeth through this? Probably hard enough to be glad he has a good dental plan. If only someone had asked him about Obama's foreskin, the afternoon would have been complete.

John McCain is a Fucking Tool

Remember the John McCain we had during the campaign? The one who scoffed at Barack Obama's ability to get anything done in Washington because only he, St. John Bipartisan McCain, had an established record of putting partisan politics aside and reaching across the aisle for the greater good of the country? Yeah, that guy? He doesn't exist any more.

But this week, with President Barack Obama in the White House and McCain back in Congress, the Arizona senator has played a prominent and uncompromising role in rallying Republican opposition to the Democratic majority and its stimulus plan.

McCain's actions in the stimulus debate make for a very different leadership profile than he touted during the presidential campaign. His push for tax cuts as well as spending cuts, and his slashing, partisan rhetoric, are a far cry from his role a few years ago in leading a bipartisan coalition that sought compromise on how the Senate handles judicial nominations.

The Senate debate on the stimulus plan is only a few days old, but McCain's already demonstrating a distressing readiness to engage in campaign-style obfuscation to score political points at the expense of that greater good.

"This bill has become nothing more than a massive spending bill," he has said. "To portray it as stimulus flies in the face of reality."

Does McCain understand what stimulus is? It is an injection of cash into the economy, and providing federal and state agencies with funding to spend on projects that have to be contracted out to private companies that will then be able to, you know, pay their employees to do the work is a far surer syringe than yet another round of tax cuts that will ensure the wealthiest Americans have even more cash to sock away in untouchable offshore accounts. So yes, it is a massive spending bill. But it will spread the wealth to a far greater segment of the population and result in concrete, material results that benefit society as a whole than the same amount of money handed out in the form of tax cuts. And ain't nothin' wrong with that.

Let Rachel break it down for you.

This Is Completely Unfair

Oh, what? Like I'm not going to put this up here?

So then--no, wait, wait, check this out, you--Michael Jackson's all like Thrillaaaah! Dillaaaah night!!!! And then all the zombies dance and, and, hey, wait, are you watching this or not?

McCain Shows Class; Supporters Act Quickly to Knock That Shit Right Off

John McCain finally stood up to some of the troglodytes who have been turning out for his rallies, and they didn't like it one bit. First he tried to assure the crowd that they really don't have to be afraid of Barack Obama, not saying explicitly he's not a terrorist, but that he's a decent man they do not need to fear, and they groaned.

Later, McCain was again pressed about Obama's "other-ness" and again he refused to play ball. "I don't trust Obama," a woman said. "I have read about him. He's an Arab."

"No, ma'am," McCain said several times, shaking his head in disagreement. "He's a decent, family man, [a] citizen that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues and that's what this campaign is all about."

At another point, McCain declared, "If you want a fight, we will fight. But we will be respectful. I admire Sen. Obama and his accomplishments." Supporters booed then also. "I don't mean that has to reduce your ferocity," McCain responded. "I just mean to say you have to be respectful."

They booed their own man when he asked them to be respectful? How old are these people? Seriously, this is the culmination of the juvenile behavior we first saw at the GOP convention, only now it's mixed with an unhealthy dose of paranoia, willful ignorance, anger, and violent overtones. I do think they need to dial the ferocity back a few notches, to keep their heads from exploding when they wake up on November 5, and it's about time McCain started refuting the bullshit his supporters are spewing. He should have started a long time ago, round about the time someone asked how do we beat the bitch, but at least now maybe he's starting to see the disconnect between crowing about bipartisanship and snickering at his supporters' most over-the-top hyperbole.

Of course, when it comes to hyperbole, this is the campaign who screamed sexism and gotcha media every time someone asked exactly how long Sarah Palin was mayor of Wasilla and how much she relegated to her city manager when the strain of running a 6,600-person teeming metropolis got to be too much, only to come out with this earlier today. You know, before that respect directive was unleashed:

It is clear that Barack Obama just doesn't understand regular people and the issues they care about," read a statement from spokesman Brian Rogers. "Even worse, he attacks anyone who dares to question his readiness to serve as their commander in chief. Raising legitimate questions about record, character and judgment are a vital part of the Democratic process, and Barack Obama's effort to silence and shame those who seek answers should make everyone wonder exactly what he is hiding.

Brian! Dude! OMG! You're killing me here! Your man McCain is starting to reap what you all have sown, and the base is acting dangerously intractable. As in having no compunction about booing their candidate when he tells them directly to act like adults. You're veering awfully close to cat-herding territory here, and your cats have some nasty claws and teeth on them.

Apropos of Nothing?

Keeping up with all the relevant video out there would be more than a full-time job. Let's just go with this one for now:

Well, if we are all Georgians now, maybe we're also all POWs.

What does that slip hearken to, really? Have his multiples of multiple POW references finally consumed him? Is it a metaphor for being a prisoner of the campaign process and chafing against the constraints that limit him to calling Obama That One instead of what he really wants to say? Is he finally so exhausted by the whole damn thing and infuriated by Obama's implacable calm that he's starting to slip? Or is he just going dotty?

The next best bit? The WTF? look that briefly crossed Sarah Palin's face before she decided to swallow hard and pretend she didn't hear him say that.

Debate Semi-Live Blogging

45 minutes in, I do not like this two minute answer, one minute followup format. Brokaw started being a hardass on time about two questions in, with the result that McCain was able to leave a zinger about Obama raising taxes on small businesses just hanging out there, and Obama was not allowed to correct the record... or the impression McCain left in viewers' minds. If Obama does the same thing I'll be equally annoyed. It's a piss-poor idea that just begs for whoever speaks last to say whatever he wants, knowing there won't be an immediate rebuttal. I do not know what the format of the next debate will be, but is it too much to hope for that they might be given something like five minutes to respond, with a ten-minute response, followed by a five-minute rebuttal, and so on until the moderator decides the topic is exhausted? Probably way too much to ask.

Random note time.

They really should have put shorter chairs on the stage. McCain has taken to just standing or walking around while Obama's talking because his feet barely reach the floor. Did his people not bring a measuring tape tonight?

McCain is taking a page from the Palin playbook and answering as many questions with "energy independence!" as he can.

Teh "my friends" Tourette's, he haz it bad tonite.

McCain has reached across the aisle! Unfortunately, a lot of those grab sessions have been with Joe Lieberman.

Obama bags on Bush calling on people to go shopping after 9/11, saying Americans are looking for leaders that call them to work together to sacrifice for the country. The best thing we can start with, since energy is so central to everything, is to look at how we can save energy at home and at work.

McCain flogging his $5000 tax credit again. Says we need choice but to be smart about not choosing a Cadillac policy if we can't afford it. No word on what level of coverage he thinks will be available for 5k on the open market, or what people who can't front 5k even in monthly installments are supposed to do until April or May, or what people who don't make enough to file taxes and therefore will be ineligible for a tax credit in the first place are supposed to do.

Obama is pissed that his mother died at 53 from cancer, spending her last months in a hospital fighting with insurance companies over whether it was pre-existing or not. He says healthcare should be a right in the wealthiest country in the world. He would give a fifty percent tax credit, and I have no idea what this means, although he did say that empoyer-provided policies get to still exist. Oooh, I hope my boss decides to still be awesome.

Obama points out that in McCain's free market that opens up insurance without regard to state lines, every insurance company would relocate to states with the least amount of regulation so that they will be able to provide you with the least amount of coverage possible.

Oh snap! Obama says McCain's right that he doesn't understand some things about foreign policy, like why we invaded a country that had nothing to do with 9/11 while al Qaeda sets up camps along the Afghanistan-Pakistan border. That was McCain's job, and he was a cheerleader for Bush. Can't be a military power when the economy's in the tank, can't be a force for good when our national reputation is in the tank, can't swoop into Rwanda when the military is overextended. Obama Doctrine will be... if we stand by and watch genocide, that means we suck. But we have to pick and choose and work with our allies because there is bad shit happening all over the world all the time and we can't be everywhere at once.

McCain ignores the point that the Iraq war was not the best idea and falls back on Obama wants to bring the troops home in defeat. McCain Doctrine is to know our limits, says Somalia pretty well sucked. Gotta temper decisions with ability to make a difference. Oh, McCain's been in those situations all his life, and he won't take them lightly, but oh we can't leave early.

What do we do about Pakistan? Should we go all Cambodia on their ass? Obama: it's a difficult situation exacerbated by our getting distracted by Iraq and letting AQ regroup in Pakistan, which is the real central front in the war on terrorism. Gotta get out of Iraq so we can go back in and get Afghanistan right and quit coddling Pakistan as they make treaties with AQ. If we have Osama in our sights and the Pakis won't take him out, we will. McCain: We have to speak softly and carry a big stick! Obama wants to announce he's gonna attack Pakistan, which will turn public opinion against us! We, uh the Afghan freedom fighters drove the Russians out of Afghanistan and then we washed our hands of it and the Taliban came back! Who was one of the main freedom fighters? Olama? Osamoo? bin Loppin? Ohhhh, Osama bin Laden, right.

Obama insists on a followup and Brokaw gives up and capitulates. Obama says nobody called for the invasion of Pakistan, even though McCain keeps saying he did. Obama repeats the thing about retaining the right to kill bin Laden if he happens to be in Pakistan and Pakistan won't do it. And points out that McCain sang Bomb Bomb Bomb Iran and threatened to annihilate North Korea, and before we finished in Afghanistan said next stop, Baghdad! Which is not exactly speaking softly. Oh, he was just joking with an old veteran friend about Iran. And I know how to get Osama bin Laden, my friends, I know how to get him, but I won't telegraph my punches. I'll be responsible like I have been through my entire military career. Which made Boltgirl go HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

Question from me: if you know how to get Osama, why have you been keeping it a giant secret for the past seven years? Why no inclination to share this strategy with, say, the Marines?

I would like to point out that I am not drinking tonight. This shit is surreal enough on its own.

Is Russia an evil empire? Obama: they're not the old Soviet Union, but they do evil things and still have dangerous nationalistic impulses. McCain: saying yes reignites the Cold War, saying no excuses their behavior. Wow, the one answer he gave that did not piss me off.

What do we do if Iran attacks Israel? Do we fight for them or wait for the UN? McCain pisses himself thanking the questioner because he's a retired Navy petty officer, then goes back on the Obama wants to talk to Ahmedinejad without preconditions my friends train. We can't allow a second Holocaust to take place. No word on what his answer to the actual question is. Obama makes like he's going to shirk the question as well, instead sticking to the script of trying to keep Iran from getting nukes... but says we should never take military options off the table or give the UN veto power over our national interests, but the biggest thing has to be diplomacy to keep this kind of crisis from happening in the first place. Defends the need for direct talks. Notes that when Bush said he wouldn't talk to Iran ever ever ever, they went from zero centrifuges to 400.

Last question: what don't you know and how will you learn it? Jesus fucking Christ. Obama opens with a joke: I'll ask Michelle! Ha ha ha. What he does know is he got where he is because opportunities were given to him despite coming from modest means. The question is are we gonna pass on that same American dream to the next generation? McCain: What I don't know is what's going to happen here at home and abroad. Things suck here and abroad and we'll be surprised by shit. I always put my country first.

Cough.

And with that it's over. The guys actually pull off a handshake/bro hug and then try to stand side by side but get in the way of Brokaw's teleprompter, which gives them the excuse to fucking sprint away from each other and start shaking hands at opposite sides of the room.

Michelle looks lovely. I like the color of Cindy's dress so much I am almost distracted from the scary pale wraith wearing it. Oops, Michelle and the McCains almost crash into each other. McCain actually pats Obama on the back, Obama extends his hand, McCain redirects him over to Cindy, who accepts the proffered hand and shakes briefly.

Just enough time to grab a beer, finally, and settle in for Dancing With The Stars!

Edited! To add! It's Wheel of Fortune instead of DWTS! Not happy!

Rolling Stone on McCain

Take half an hour and read Tim Dickinson's piece on McCain in Rolling Stone. We should be terrified that the man's gotten this close to the presidency; if he actually makes it into that office we should be whatever level fear ramps up to when "terrified" doesn't even come close any more. Country first? McCain first. Always and everywhere it has been McCain first, with utter contempt for rules or standards or people who get in the way of his massive ego and ambition.

It is difficult to pull three representative paragraphs from a ten-page story crammed with details. So I'm breaking fair-use rules and quoting four in an excerpt that probably illustrates the man better than anything else in the story. In July of '67, McCain was flying bombing missions off the carrier USS Forrestal. One morning, while waiting on the flight deck, a missile inadvertently launched from another plane hit McCain's fuel tank, causing a fire. McCain jumped out of his cockpit and was able to run to safety before one of his bombs fell off his plane and detonated, which in turn caused a chain reaction of explosions from the surrounding planes and a huge fire that blew open the ship, threatening to sink it, and killed 134 men.

These are the moments that test men's mettle. Where leaders are born. Leaders like . . . Lt. Cmdr. Herb Hope, pilot of the A-4 three planes down from McCain's. Cornered by flames at the stern of the carrier, Hope hurled himself off the flight deck into a safety net and clambered into the hangar deck below, where the fire was spreading. According to an official Navy history of the fire, Hope then "gallantly took command of a firefighting team" that would help contain the conflagration and ultimately save the ship.

McCain displayed little of Hope's valor. Although he would soon regale The New York Times with tales of the heroism of the brave enlisted men who "stayed to help the pilots fight the fire," McCain took no part in dousing the flames himself. After going belowdecks and briefly helping sailors who were frantically trying to unload bombs from an elevator to the flight deck, McCain retreated to the safety of the "ready room," where off-duty pilots spent their noncombat hours talking trash and playing poker. There, McCain watched the conflagration unfold on the room's closed-circuit television — bearing distant witness to the valiant self-sacrifice of others who died trying to save the ship, pushing jets into the sea to keep their bombs from exploding on deck.

As the ship burned, McCain took a moment to mourn his misfortune; his combat career appeared to be going up in smoke. "This distressed me considerably," he recalls in Faith of My Fathers. "I feared my ambitions were among the casualties in the calamity that had claimed the Forrestal."

The fire blazed late into the night. The following morning, while oxygen-masked rescue workers toiled to recover bodies from the lower decks, McCain was making fast friends with R.W. "Johnny" Apple of The New York Times, who had arrived by helicopter to cover the deadliest Naval calamity since the Second World War. The son of admiralty surviving a near-death experience certainly made for good copy, and McCain colorfully recounted how he had saved his skin. But when Apple and other reporters left the ship, the story took an even stranger turn: McCain left with them. As the heroic crew of the Forrestal mourned its fallen brothers and the broken ship limped toward the Philippines for repairs, McCain zipped off to Saigon for what he recalls as "some welcome R&R."

McCain First. Remember that.

Oh Jesus Christ

Oh, look.

Sen. John McCain's senior foreign policy advisor cites a steamy romance 50 years ago with a Brazilian babe among the things that illustrate the candidate's decades-long interest in Latin America.

''Talking a little about his personal experience, he was famously born in Panama and has traveled all over the hemisphere for many years.'' Fontaine said. ``In fact, I saw, I guess it was last week, that his old girlfriend in Brazil has been found from his early days when he was in the Navy and was interviewed. She's a somewhat older woman now than she was then, but it sorta speaks to the long experience he has had in the region -- in the most positive terms.''

Neat! You know, I spent two summers in Peru when I was an undergrad. The third-ranked golfer in Peru at the time spent most of June and July of '89 trying to get into my pants, so this must mean I'm in line for an ambassadorship and a sponsor's exemption at the next LPGA event. I can't wait!

I'm also trying to figure out how the experience of being born in Panama and boning a Brazilian hottie makes a man think that Spain is part of Latin America, but really, who wouldn't get confused in all that muy caliente tropical heat and humidty?

Insurance Question Answered

Last night the girlfriend and I wondered out loud and at length about what the McCain free market individual buyer healthcare plan would mean to us. Some very detailed answers from Ezra Klein and Jonathan Cohn, plus the obligatory horror story, all boil down to this: if you're lucky, you'll be paying more money for far less coverage; if you're not, you won't be able to afford to do even that. Eliminating employee buyer pools drives the adminstrative costs through the roof, and turning millions of already strapped consumers out into the free market looking for complicated insurance policies as if it were the same as choosing deodorant or deciding between Campbell's and Progresso will result in a lot of bare-bones policies being snapped up, which down the road will lead to jumps in catastrophic care after too many people have gone with "paying the mortgage" and "buying groceries" instead of "preventive care" and "early detection" because there's only so much cash to go around and their new policies don't cover half the shit their old employer-administered ones did.

And with all due respect to Governor Palin--which is a very small amount at this point--her beloved Joe Sixpack Hockey Mom living on Main Street USA already has enough on his plate to keep track of. Some people here at work make fun of the mangled syntax and spelling in our office manager's e-mails, but she knows her shit when it comes to keeping on top of the health plan. And our boss has taken on a lot of the burden, constantly looking for the best plan available for the kind of premiums his workers can afford, reimbursing us for half our co-pays, reimbursing our out-of-pocket payments to our deductibles, generally covering the gap between costs and the realities of our paltry bank accounts. You want me to take on the intricacies of that insurance and find comparable coverage on my own? I'd be lucky to wind up with a co-pay that was still in two figures.

It's not something John McCain has ever had to worry about. Even if he didn't have the lifetime government-provided healthcare (as well as it's worked out for him, it's rather disingenuous to hear him and Palin snark about putting the feds in charge of your insurance), his own personal fortune would cover any medical situation he might face. The rest of us? Not so much.

Is It the Truth McCain Has Utter Contempt for? Or Simply Our Ability to Pay Attention?

Grandpa Absolute 100 Percent Truth McCrankypants was on fire this morning, flinging out four or five not exactly true statements about his mavericky leadership and Barack Obama's total suckage on the economic crisis in the span of under thirty seconds on Fox News and then CNN This Morning.

"I suspended my campaign, took our ads down, came back to Washington, met with the House folks and got on the phone, and also had face-to-face meetings."

No, you didn't. You said you were suspending your campaign on Thursday night, but you went ahead and gave what amounted to a stump speech to the Clinton Global Initiative on Friday morning, and your ads countinued to run everywhere. You did come back to Washington... 22 hours after you said you would depart immediately. From New York.

"I came back and suspended my campaign and got the House into the negotiations at the table, which they had not been before. We were able to get a large increase in the number of Republicans who voted for it.

Except that it's a Senate bill, and Senate Republicans were not the sticking point in the original bill's failure. That would be the House Republicans, who have yet to take up the new Senate measure. Your coming back to Washington did little but turn what had been a weeklong process, culminating in a done deal, into a political circus blown up by grandstanding House Republicans.

McCain said Obama's approach was to "phone it in" -- in regards to working with congressional leaders.

Sort of like... you did, when you spent most of your time on the phone from your Arlington condo--when not dining with Joe Lieberman, of course--rather than stalking the halls of Congress showing the kind of in-your-face leadership that has led most of the people in your own party to loathe you?

So "I suspended my campaign" means whatever John McCain wants it to mean, even when the reality that translates to is more along the lines of "I said I suspended my campaign, the Couric interview and CGI speech and numerous statements that I was putting Country First^TM by myself and my surrogates notwithstanding." Just like everything else, repeat it enough times and the American voter will start to repeat it in his sleep. John McCain suspended his campaign! Barack Obama will raise taxes on everyone making $42,000! Sarah Palin said thanks but no thanks!

Always completely 100 percent double-dog truthful, that John McCain. How do I know? Because he says so, that's how.

McCain Is Here to Help!

Dare I say it? Uh... thanks, but no thanks.

Six days of contentious negotiations looked like they were just about to culminate in a bailout proposal that House Democrats, Senate Democrats, and Senate Republicans didn't necessarily love, but could at least shudder equally at, when things came to a screeching halt courtesy of everyone's favorite screechers, House Republicans.

The result was a chaotic turnaround on a day that had seemed headed for a success that President Bush, both political parties and their presidential candidates could celebrate at an extraordinary White House meeting.

Weary congressional negotiators worked into the night, joined by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson in an effort to revive or rework the $700 billion proposal that Bush said must be quickly approved by Congress to stave off potentially "a long and deep recession."

They gave up after 10 p.m. EDT, more than an hour after the lone House Republican involved, Rep. Spencer Bachus of Alabama, left the room. Democrats blamed the House Republicans for the apparent stalemate.

Well, it did take John McCain a while to actually make it to Washington, but since he suspended his campaign and all to--how did he put it? Ah, yes, to "meet as Americans, not as Democrats or Republicans" and solve the crisis. Things must have gotten better when he finally did show up to exercise some bipartisan leadership in that meeting he ordered up with Bush and Obama, right? Right?

At the bipartisan White House meeting that Mr. McCain had called for a day earlier, he sat silently for more than 40 minutes, more observer than leader, and then offered only a vague sense of where he stood, said people in the meeting.

In subsequent television interviews, Mr. McCain suggested that he saw the bipartisan plan that came apart at the White House meeting as the proper basis for an eventual agreement, but he did not tip his hand as to whether he would give any support to the alternative put on the table by angry House Republicans, with whom he had met before going to the White House.

He said he was hopeful that a deal could be struck quickly and that he could then show up for his scheduled debate on Friday night against his Democratic rival in the presidential race, Senator Barack Obama. But there was no evidence that he was playing a major role in the frantic efforts on Capitol Hill to put a deal back together again.

Oh. I've seen mutterings that Bachus' walkout was actually orchestrated by McCain so that he could swoop in and save the day with his own top-secret bailout plan, but the only competing proposal put forth thus far has been written by ten House Republicans shepherded by John Boehner, and which would appear to have less than a snowball's chance at passing.

Instead of the government buying the distressed securities, the new plan would have banks, financial firms and other investors that hold such loans pay the Treasury to insure them. Rep. Paul Ryan, R-Wis., a chief sponsor, said it was clear that Bush's plan "was not going to pass the House."

But Democrats said the same was true of the conservatives' plan. It calls for tax cuts and insurance provisions the majority party will not accept, they said.

At one point, several minutes into the session, Obama said it was time to hear from McCain. According to a Republican who was there, "all he said was, 'I support the principles that House Republicans are fighting for.'"

So a guy who has admitted he does not understand the details of the economy injects himself into proceedings he realistically has no business in, all in the name of bipartisanship and country first, and winds up in the corner of the guys who end up derailing what looked like an agreement on the first steps out of the mess.

Ah, it was just announced he'll go ahead and do the debate tonight, and we can assume Jim Lehrer will steer things much more toward the economy than had been originally planned. Maybe McCain realized that insisting on skipping the debate would only tie more anvils to his sinking ship. The ploy might have worked if he somehow had managed to at least present the image of leadership he inexplicably claimed in an area that is clearly outside of his expertise, unless he's finally ready to own that Keating Five line on his resume, but once his theatrical flouncing buildup fizzled into 40 minutes of silence in his showpiece meeting, well, that about did it. So stock up the cooler and ready your debate bingo cards. Obama has to recognize that the guy's on the ropes, and better come out swinging. Despite McCain's blunder, and, actually, because of it, this is a moment that has to be seized. Carpe that diem, Barack. You won't have a better chance.

And That Was Quick

Look what an awesome leaderly leader John McCain is! All he has to do is suspend his campaign and threaten a return to Warshington to sort out this mess, and voila, mess sorted out. Just like Chuck Norris!

Can I assume this means the debate's still on for tomorrow night? And that the VP debate is continuing as scheduled?

Somewhere in Alaska, Sarah Palin hops up and down, fists clenched, muttering dammitdammitDAMMIT between gritting teeth, before getting back to the cram session.

Good News! Oh, Wait.

John McCain suddenly remembered he has a day job! But! He's rushing back to Congress to vote on the Protect Our Children Act I mean secure sorely needed infrastructure funding for Arizona single-handedly solve the bailout crisis! Which, you might recall, he knows exactly fuck-all about:



And which he can do about exactly fuck-all about in an official capacity, since he doesn't sit on any committees that are tasked with responding to the bailout proposal. So what's Bomb Bomb have in mind?

"I am calling on the president to convene a meeting with the leadership from both houses of Congress, including Senator Obama and myself," McCain told reporters in New York. "It is time for both parties to come together to solve this problem."

There was no immediate response from the Obama campaign.

There was no immediate response from the Obama campaign because they were trying to tone their gales of hysterical laughter down to a low giggle at the thought of one of the biggest deregulation whores in American history stomping up the steps of the capital to lecture Bernake and Paulson on what they need to do to fix this mess.

In short, this is political grandstanding at its finest. There's not a damn actually constructive thing McCain can do here, and he knows it, so instead he'll take the opportunity to leap into random action and imply that Obama Just Doesn't Care if he doesn't join in the thrashing about, while at the same time conveniently buying time by postponing a debate he may not have been ready to enter after a nine-point drop in the polls. Stay classy, Senator!

Full disclosure: I don't have the foggiest idea of how to fix things either, other than a $700B get-out-of-jail-free card for the firms that led the way to the crash not sounding like possibly the best thing we could have come up with. I am not, however, suspending my campaign for archaeological truth in order to storm Washington and make that fact abundantly clear to anyone who's listening.