The Important Bits

Want some more arm porn to go along with your Abby Wambach girlfriend research? Fine, here.

Just Because

Missing the World Cup? I am. Here's a little gratuitous Wambach arm porn, with the added bonus of two Ali Krieger cameos. Don't say I've never done anything for you, abby wambach girlfriend searchers.

Heavens to Betsy

What a fuck of a match. The solution is simple, of course, because I'm not the actual US manager. Play a 4-3-3 with Cox starting at left back, a midfield of Rapinoe-Cheney-O'Reilly (or Cheney-Lindsey-Rapinoe if HAO's still injured), and a front line of Rodriguez-Wambach-Morgan. Done and done. As opposed to one and done, which the US will be against Brazil if Pia insists on sticking with the tried-and-true 4-4-2 built around a dual smart but aging/young but stupid central midfield.

Fuck.

This is shaping up to be the torch-passing World Cup. Germany, England, and the US have watched, distressed, as their long-term marquee stars have shown their age and faded back into the woodwork. Birgit Prinz, Germany's all-time goals leader, now moving slowly and then being unceremoniously benched in the 54th two games ago and left there for the last one. Kelly Smith, England's best player ever, exhibiting a downward effectiveness curve culminating in being pulled in the 63rd in England's last squeaker. Abby Wambach, top scorer by a mile among currently active US players, nagged by a bad Achilles and failing to finish in just about every way imaginable short of a sniper atop the stands picking off the ball on its way to goal (finally managing to be in the right spot for the ball to carom off a defender's head onto Wombat's shoulder and thence into the goal, allowing the US to lose by only one instead of two). Time is relentless and cruel.

Meanwhile, Ali Krieger is my MVP for being far and away the most consistent player on the field for the US. Player most likely to crawl into a hole and never come out? At this point, Kelly O'Hara, poor child. God, what a debut. Fun to watch? Anonma from Equatorial Guinea for flash, Lisa De Vanna for incredible bursts of speed and the delicious suspense of wondering when she's going to finally punch somebody. Easy on the eyes? Krieger wins that all day long.

Two days off for recovery now. Bring on current events, I suppose.

Sorry, Peeps. It's World Cup for the Next Two Weeks

Did you watch the mugging yesterday in Frankfurt? The referee unfortunately lost control of the Germany-Nigeria match roughly ten minutes in, and it was downhill from there. Germany were lucky to escape with a one-goal win and no serious injuries. Nigeria were lucky to escape with only one yellow and not the several yellows and straight red that were warranted. Birgit Prinz had no fun at all in her hometown stadium and finally found the bench after an hour of having the holy hell beaten out of her. Does Lira Bajramaj possibly start in her place against France?

Christine Sinclair must really be looking forward to Canada's date with the hackiest straight girls on the planet. Speaking of Sinclair, well, holy shit, Sinclair. Canada never found their rhythm against France and the ball eventually and inevitably found Sinclair's already broken face, a blast from two yards away sending her to the ground with a bloodied forehead. She managed some lovely combination play very late in the match, but Canada never threatened. On the Bleu side of the ball, Sex Machine Abily shook off the opening-match blahs and showed her usual fine form. France overall played a lovely technical game and earned the big goal differential reward. Germany's back line may have trouble contending with France's speed, particularly if supersub Elodie Thomis sees significant minutes, and the Deutsche midfield needs to find somebody who can connect on passes into the attacking third reliably. Damn Barbie was just off against Nigeria, leaving Germany without much of a threat from the wing, and Garefrekes was almost as invisible. Somewhere in a German hotel room, Sonia Bompastor is licking her chops. Allez Bompy!

In US news, the grand Boxx experience may be mercifully drawing to a close. I love Boxx, I love Notre Dame women. But at 33, she doesn't have the wheels or gas tank to be a World Cup holding midfielder any more, and was a liability on the field rather than an asset. Bring on Lori Lindsay and hope she rekindles some of the old magic with Wambach. Also, NEEDS MOAR ALEX MORGAN.

In real US news, fucking hell. Abortion is history in Kansas, Ohio's going nuts, and the DSK maid is being run through the grinder. I am going back to soccer.

Soccer Prep Guide

Welcome, soccer fans and "abby wambach girlfriend" and "abby wambach boyfriend" googlers. The World Cup starts on Saturday, and you still have a few things you need to do in preparation.

1. The absolute number one requirement is to zip over to The Equalizer and buy the WWC preview they put together with All White Kit. At 82 lovely searchable PDF pages, it's a bargain at 5.95. Both sites are daily must-reads even when the Cup isn't just around the corner, particularly if a big portion of your regular entertainment intake comes from following the trainwreck that is magicJack.

2. Next, march down to your local purveyor of fermented beverages and plead for some Four Peaks Hop Knot IPA. This might be easier if you live in Arizona. Yes, Arizona. Hop Knot is one of the things that makes life in the state of John "Illegals are Pyros" McCain not only tolerable, but downright magical at times. Lay in a stock; it only comes in 12-packs of cans.

3. Got a spare couple of minutes? Go read about brilliant England manager Hope Powell.

4. Lay in the bacon, eggs, and potatoes. Live games in Germany mean breakfast start times here in the Pacific Time Zone. Suggested opening game breakfast bakey thing:

Rinse three or four leeks and thinly slice the white and pale green parts. Caramelize these in a pan with a healthy pinch of salt, deglazing the pan from time to time with broth. While the leeks are cooking, simmer a cup of broth with a bit of garlic and rosemary. Thinly slice some potatoes into rounds. Layer the potatoes in a baking pan with the leeks and some sliced cheese (gruyere is lovely), topping each layer with a sprinkle of salt and a few grinds of pepper. Add sliced ham to each layer if you're a meat person. Strain the broth and pour enough over to make it a bit soupy on the bottom. Beat a couple of eggs with a touch of milk, salt, and pepper, and pour over. Top with one more layer of potatoes and cheese. Cover and bake at 375 for 45 minutes or so, then uncover and bake long enough to brown up the cheese. Remove from oven and let rest a bit, then shovel it out onto plates and NOM.

5. Ali Krieger. 'Nuff said.

It's that Time Again

Sure as the swallows returning to Capistrano and the olds from Iowa, Minnesota, and Canada returning to their northern homelands, the steady stream of visitors ushered here today by the magic Google phrase "abby wambach girlfriend" signals that the Next Big Thing for the US Women's National soccer team is on the horizon, that being the World Cup in Germany in about six weeks' time.

US Soccer announced the final roster for the Cup this morning, so let's get right to it. No surprises here, except maybe the very mildly possibly unexpected inclusion of Lindsay Tarpley over Yael Averbuch in the midfield (depending on who you talk to) and Jill Loyden over Ashlyn Harris for the third and thus hopefully purely ceremonial keeper spot. Actually, my biggest surprise is that Pia Sundhage didn't find a way to simply list Carli Lloyd in every roster slot and call it a day. Maybe she'll pleasantly surprise me. Maybe the whole team will pleasantly surprise me. But we're shaping up for another invisible central midfield, given the inevitability of a Lloyd-Boxx tandem in the middle given this roster. Which leaves the backs to keep whanging the ball up as far as they can in the hopes that one of those boomballs will find Wambach's head, and the rest of us to hope that the side can just keep the score close until Sundhage grudgingly puts Alex Morgan on the field in the last ten minutes and she scores a couple of stunning goals, the memories of which will carry her through the first 80 minutes of the next match while she's sitting on the bench yet again.

I was voted Most Optimistic my senior year of high school.

No, not really. Again, maybe they'll surprise me. Maybe O'Reilly will turn her undeniable energy into something worthwhile. Maybe Rapinoe will find some consistency in both play and attitude across an entire match (the new hair can't do anything but help). Maybe Morgan will get a few starts or at least more quality minutes. Maybe A-Rod will find the back of the net. Maybe Lloyd will look like an actual center mid. I will happily eat my words if she brings home the Golden Boot. And I won't even talk about the hideous uniforms.

Until then, I'm nervous. Three friendlies in the next three weeks will either make me feel better or send me into full howling mode, particularly the sendoff match against Mexico. We will see.

WCQ Wrapup

Nothing like an unexpected loss to propel a match previously considered a gimme to the primetime spotlight on ESPN2. The surest indicator that people were suddenly thinking about the US women's national soccer team, or at least one part of it? This blog got triple its usual number of daily "abby wambach girlfriend" hits in the three hours leading up to kickoff time. go figure.

Anyhoo, the... Mollies? Does anyone remember when the US supporters made a tentative attempt at getting that nickname to stick, in honor of Molly Pitcher? Would've been so cool, even without the bared bosom. Whatever we want to call them, the US women won last night on the strength of three goals, all in the first half, two by Sarah Huffman's girlfriend. Lauren Cheney got the other.

What did we learn? Mostly, that the US is indeed able to move the ball smartly around the field when they are largely unopposed. The precise passing game was lovely to watch for the first 25 minutes, until I remembered that Costa Rica is ranked 46 spots below the US in the FIFA rankings, and noticed that right there around minute 25--perhaps out of frustration at the decided lack of an avalanche of goals--the US reverted back to long balls flung into the box from 40 yards away, hoping to find Wambach's head. The goals came when they settled down after another 10 minutes or so, but the final one came on a counter after a Costa Rican forward broke free down the middle and screamed in alone on goal, only to put the ball wide when Barnhart came out to challenge. Six inches to the left and it might have been a very different dynamic at the end of the half.

And Amy Rodriguez came in as an early second-half sub to play on the wing. Interesting! And with that, having waited to start watching the DVRed game until 9:00, I promptly passed out on the couch. So I have no idea how that worked out, although the score didn't change. I like Cheney up top with Abby, and still hope we see a three-front on the chance they make it to Germany this summer.

So it's on to Italy, then Chicago. We will see.

Year-end Abby Wambach Girlfriend Special

I think about current events and then slave away over the keyboard for full minutes, searching for just the perfect combination of words and the most apt turn of phrase, to bring my readership the most insightful commentary possible on politics and culture, occasionally baseball and soccer and food, every once in a while a heartfelt and poignant essay on life and family. And what do people want to know about? What brings them here in droves, more frequently than any other search terms?

abby wambach girlfriend.

Jesus. Fine. For the final word on "abby wambach girlfriend," head on over to the Twitter and follow Sarah Huffman and you will get all the updates you need on that particular Wombat situation.

Meanwhile, I will continue to toil in political commentary obscurity, dreaming of the day that a certain MSNBC commentator, while Googling giant lesbians on the US national team, will realize she needs a regular correspondent from this little blue corner of a big red desert. A girl can dream, no?

BOTL: Your Internet Home for "abby wambach girlfriend" Google Searches Since 2007

Nothing brings readers here like these three magic words typed into Teh Google search box: abby wambach girlfriend; enough, in fact, to make this blog the Number Two result for that particular query. I have no particular desire to make it to Number One. Be that as it may, finally, tonight, an answer:

I have no idea who Wambach's girlfriend is.

Somebody else does, though, and the lucky winner appears to be Washington Freedom midfielder Sarah Huffman, with "lucky" contingent on the Wombat having grown a bit since the whole l'affaire Solo.

You heard it here first. And now that that's out of the way, can you please explain the healthcare debate to me?

The Wonders of The Google

"abby wambach girlfriend" has surpassed the cupcake picture as the number one search bringing new readers to the Boltiverse, so I feel compelled to issue a mini manifesto:

(1) Recent sporadic speculation on Datalounge is that the Wombat is no longer with the former girlfriend, since said former girlfriend is on the roster of a different WPS team. Since at least three snuggly signings are evident around the league (LA, Bay area, and Boston, I'm looking at you), you'd think Abby would have had enough pull to bring Megan Rapinoe to Washington rather than seeing her go to Chicago.
(2) I am not complaining about that a bit. Come on you Stars.
(3) The shine fell clean off the Wombat for me after l'affaire Solo in the World Cup.
(4) Did you think that one was over? It just got fresh batteries on Sunday. Pissed Solo + microphone = Katie bar the door!

In other soccer news, Daniela indeed had her knee thoroughly shredded on Wambach's tackle Sunday after scoring two beautiful goals and is most likely done for the season. What a shame, and what a sad ending to what had been an entertaining match. The league is considering disciplinary action against the Wombat for the reckless tackle--eh. As a referee I feel the yellow card was warranted, but I didn't see it as a two-footed studs-up straight red, nor do I particularly believe that Wambach was intentionally attempting to injure Daniela as retribution for St. Louis defenders repeatedly smashing Wambach to the turf throughout the game. The Abbster can be a controlling freakshow on the psychological side and a bruising presence on the physical side, but I have not seen her deliberately hack an opponent. My call is that it there was some carelessness in the tackle brought on by a combination of the wet field, end-of-match fatigue, and a touch of frustration. Yellow, yes. League sanctions, no.

Wombat Health Update

I was going to lead off with something about still being wary when it comes to re-pledging my allegiance to Wambach, or the entire WNT, for that matter, after the Incident at the World Cup, but you know, meh. It's been hashed and rehashed to death (if you want one more go 'round, it's here; find the money quote explaining why my Wambach-related drool has stayed dried up and win a prize).

Anyway. Wombat's surgery was successful, and she now has a shiny new titanium rod to keep her tibia company on cold nights; no word as yet on whether Megan Rapinoe continues to be a component of those cuddle plans. However, the initial 12-week estimate for a comeback was probably premature and not realistic.

“She’s sustained a very significant injury to her bone,” said Dr. Valletta. “It can sometimes take a year to return a professional player to her previous level of activity, but the expectation is that we will have an aggressive rehab program and progress her weight-bearing rapidly to minimize her time lost for competition.”

Speaking from the pretty much completely unrelated experience of a bone bruise, that aggressive rehab will not be pleasant. She's proven the ability to gut it out through a broken toe and a split-open, stapled-back-together head, and she's seen teammates come back from equally bad injuries ahead of schedule without losing much of a step, if any, so I believe she'll get there. What the team she returns to will look like is the bigger question at this point.

Boltgirl v. US Soccer, Part Three

The good news: they finally cranked out a new National Team commercial. Unfortunately, since they only put the games on TV once in three or four blue moons, you're not likely to see it. The oh-Christ-here-we-go-again-news: well, just watch for yourself and see if you can find the innocuous two-second sequence that had me throwing stuff at the monitor.

Hint: it just might be the portion of the video accompanying the intonation of "real values..." which just might show a wedding set on a hand manicured with red, white, and blue fingernail polish, which maybe kinda sorta hints that US Soccer believes (or at least thinks their target fanbase believes) that Real Values(TM) for women mean the holy trinity of femininity, patriotism, and heterosexuality.

Commenters on BigSoccer are pretty sure it wasn't intended to mean anything, really, that they used the wedding ring to symbolize loyalty in contrast to that skanky ho Paris Hilton (who gets mentioned over and over and over and...). Uh huh. The Fed haven't evidenced the brightest minds in the business, but do you honestly think they "didn't mean anything" by sticking the ring footage in there? Like, now, in the age of consumer and media research databases that rival anything held by the NIH? I think they knew exactly what message that would send, as surely as they've breathlessly hyped every engagement and wedding among the players, as they still desperately cast about for the next fresh face to sell the team to the country.

Daily Wombat

[UPDATED FOR WWC 2011] Hello, Abby Wambach girlfriend/ boyfriend Googlers! This is a vintage post from the 2007 World Cup, but please do enjoy it and feel free to knock around the blog for other soccer- and wambach-tagged tidbits. Oh yeah, the answer to your question is Sarah Huffman, and they have a bulldog together. This is fairly common knowledge among followers of the WNT and WPS, so I don't think I'm compromising anyone's privacy by repeating it here.

Forthwith, the original post (the post that gave the first commenter the vapors is here):

If you hadn't noticed, with the World Cup a mere eleven days away, this blog is turning into All Soccer All The Damn Time. Maybe I'll gnash teeth over The Surge later on today, or talk about Larry Craig--it makes me sad more than anything, really--but for now, a picture from the WNT blog:

Abby Wambach strolling in Shanghai; Boxxy over her right shoulder (click for large version)