An Open Letter

To the nice person in Glendale who thought it would be fun to use my name and social security number to open cell phone accounts and lord knows what else: the next time you go to the trouble of the whole identity theft thing, you might as well pick someone who has actual assets. And since I don't like having to talk to credit reporting agencies, and really don't like people stealing my good name and heretofore sterling credit score, well, fuck you. Hope you cut some killer drug deals with the phones before they were cut off this morning, asshole.